Oh that feeling you get when you’re in a new relationship. That honeymoon phase where everything seems blissful, tasteful and beautiful. We feel like we are in heaven where every moment is magical and that it finally starts making sense that all the struggle you went through with dating was for this one person. And it was worth it. You spend every waking moment with your bae and drive your friends away. You think that you are destined to be with this one person for the rest of your life.
You think this is how the rest of your relationship will be. This is the baseline with which you measure how the relationship is going. You can’t think of any other scenario in which both of you could live as a couple.
And while this is a great feeling, at least for the honeymoon phase, you want to make sure that this doesn’t go too far. With you or with your partner. You want to make sure that you are on the lookout for red flags to find out if either of your are too obsessed with your relationship.
The reason why I say that is because obsession is never a good thing, unless you’re obsessed with archeology or aliens, then that’s fine because it is important for us to discover if there were advanced civilizations in the past or not. And if the aliens exist.
But when it comes to relationships, you don’t want any of you to be obsessed with the other one. Because that just means that they will try to insert themselves into every facet of your life which is just weird. It will stop you from growing and becoming a better person.
So, without any further ado, here are 5 signs that say that you’re secretly obsessed with your relationship:
- Your Relationship Is All You Talk About
Let’s say you’re out with your buddies and you’re having fun. You sit down in a bar and you notice that one by one, they are starting to zone out. Notice what you’re talking about. Whenever you start talking about your relationship, your friends start to zone out. Maybe that because your relationship is the only thing you talk about with your friends. You need to notice these patterns and change them. Not because I’m some evil overlord who would like to control you, it’s because I’ve been on the other side of this scenario. I’ve been the friend who rolled his eyes every time my best friend would talk about his relationship because that’s the only thing he would talk about for like the first 30 days of every new relationship.
That’s when you know you are getting obsessed with it. You should find something else that you’re passionate about. Something that people can relate with and have a fun time talking to you about.
- Your World Revolves Around Them
It’s normal to think what your bae might be doing at 3PM in the afternoon, or at any other time of the day. They are a huge part of your life and you genuinely care about them.
But if this thing starts affecting your work or your personal life in a negative way, then that’s something you’ll need to change. If you start noticing that it’s becoming harder for you to focus on anything else other than them, then you are at the front door of obsession. You need to start pulling back and have more control over your brain.
You need to make sure that you are the same person that they fell in love with. The person with hobbies, interests and ambition that attracted them to you, should be the same when you are in the relationship.
According to https://hissecretobsessionreview.org/, most people change immediately once they get into a relationship, which is the reason why the relationship starts going downhill. Maintain expectations and communicate with your partner, that’s the best way to have your relationship on autopilot (I’ll talk more about this at the end of the article).
- You’re Spending Too Much Time & Money On the Relationship
There’s no other way of saying this – you’re just spending too much mental energy, time and money on your relationship. There’s a certain point which when you cross it, this relationship becomes an addiction. It will start taking a huge toll on your mental health, your finances and your professional life as well.
If you notice that you are doing this, then now is the time to start changing where you’re going with the relationship. Try taking a step back and bring it on a healthier track. Communicate with your partner about this, see how they respond and go from there.
But if you’re at a point where you are spending most of your time and money on counseling, relationship advice, etc. then you’ve already gone too far. At this point, maybe you need a reset so you can put the most important things back into focus.
- You Stopped Pursuing Things You Love
Oh where do I start? This is such a sad thing to see.
It is a subtle thing to see but it does happen with every person at least once in their life.
They fall in love with this amazing person. A person that is just perfect for them. And then they spend all their time trying to please them or being with them. So much so that they stop pursuing their hobbies, or the things they love the most. The things that made them happy when they weren’t in a relationship.
You have to be aware of yourself to notice this. And if you do, congratulations! You have taken the first step toward improving not only your life but your relationship as well.
Now is the time when you need to talk with your partner and see where this is going. Talk about how you used to pursue this hobby of yours and that if you start doing that, you might be spending less time with them. Or you can play out different scenarios and figure out that if you are spending 2 hours each day with your partner, you could spend 1 hour and spend the other hour on your hobby.
And then talk to your partner about that change.
- You Are Emotionally Dependent On That Person
This is a huge red flag.
Have you started feeling like your partner is now controlling how you feel? Do you think that whenever they are happy, you are happy? But if they’re going through some hardships, you start to feel down?
Well, my friend, you are emotionally dependent on that person.
You might think that by sharing those same feelings with your partner, you are standing with them and being closer to them. You really aren’t.
When you’re emotionally dependent on someone else, you are not in control of your own happiness and in essence, your destiny. Because let’s be honest here, if you’re not in a good emotional state, you cannot achieve anything in life. And if you depend on someone else to be in a good emotional state, then you are robbing yourself of everything you can achieve in this life.
Conclusion and Having An Easy Relationship
At the end of the day, being in a relationship is all about balance. It’s like the yin-yang effect. You want to be obsessed with your partner, but only to a point where it doesn’t hurt your relationship with anyone else.
Now, talking about how you can have an easy relationship, that’s something most relationship gurus rarely ever talk about. Even if they do, all their ideas and methods for this just makes it harder. I’ve followed their advice and only thing I found was that I ended up compromising more and more of my life than I was comfortable with. That’s when I found a different solution to this.
You should only compromise on the little things. Just like when you’re walking into a negotiation, you know you have some things that are dealbreakers for you and you cannot walk away from the table until you get those things. That’s the same thing when it comes to relationships.
You can compromise on things that are not dealbreakers and you’ll be fine. The moment you start letting go of your dealbreakers, that’s when your relationship starts going downhill.
Another thing I discovered is being brutally honest with your partner. It’s so eye opening when you are 100% transparent with them when having these serious discussions. It takes the relationship to a whole new level.
I hope these tips helped you and that you get better at spotting these red flags in the future.