When you think about who has had the biggest impact on your life, who do you think about? The person, or people, who have taught you about yourself and how to move through the world. Is it a teacher, a parent or grandparent? Maybe even your child, niece or nephew, or someone you mentored. Human beings have always passed on traditions, culture, love, knowledge and experience through generations. We learn and pass on our gained knowledge to our children, grandchildren, family and young ones. We gain perspective and guidance back to love, from observing the ones that have come after us. We mitigate suffering, gain perspective and obtain a new lens in which to view of our lives, through other generations stories. This process of shared knowledge between generations creates a pathway, or guide, on how to navigate through all aspects of ourselves as an individual and as a collective.
However, there happens to be one part of ourselves that seems to get cut off from generation to generation. An aspect of ourselves that leaves us all in the dark and a little lost.
Sex happens to be an area of ourselves that we have suffered with for generations, and continue to do so. Whether it was the era of oppression and secrecy or the great liberation and defiance, we have continued to suffer in the realm of Sex for generations. And quite frankly, we have not made as much headway as we could have. A method of learning is through experience. You try, you fail or triumph and you gain knowledge and perspective. This type of visceral awareness only happens through doing. Think of how much knowledge and wisdom has been gained through experience. Through stumbling, falling, getting back up and adjusting. There is also a method of observation. Through watching, conceptualizing and creating an interpretation based off of what you see. You take what you saw, and you create a way of being based off of how it applies to you.
I never really spoke with my parents about sex, still do not for that matter. I did not have much education through my schooling and there is not a lot of resources I came across until I really started looking, hard. Most of my wisdom I gain is through friends, experience, research, treating in my practice and by surrounding myself with other people on the same quest of trying to gain some insight into their Sexual Self. While treating fertility and sexual dysfunctions in my acupuncture practice, along with the vulnerability of sharing fears and giddiness with friends throughout my life, I have gained an enormous amount of perspective about the realm of sexual health and how we move through this aspect of ourselves. I am constantly learning through others experiences and stories. Whether painful or beautiful, there is knowledge and wisdom to be gained from every single story. I started to gain a lot of perspective from watching younger generations and how they view this area of themselves. From how they approach it and the willingness to dive in and explore.
We need to start sharing stories and conversation, about Sex, with each other. Not just with friends, but with other generations and the people around us. We are missing out on an enormous source of wisdom that could alleviate a lot of our suffering. I understand it feels awkward to speak to your children about sensuality and what the realm of sex can truly offer them. I understand not a lot of us want to even think about our parents having sex, let alone talk to them about it. But please, talk. Share stories, vulnerability, questions and fears. We are all lost in this area of ourselves, I promise you that. No one has been taught what you can gain from this wonderful piece of ourselves and the type of responsibility comes with it. The sensuality and the beauty that can be gained from connecting to yourself or a partner/s. The immense amount of pain some of us have, and continue to, experience.
I understand a lot of you are teaching your children about periods and safe sex. That is so great, it is an area of our sexual well-being that is important. And also, please teach them about sensuality and what truly connecting to this part of yourself can look like and feel like. Teach him that it is ok to slow down and truly feeling what is going on for him and his partner, on all levels, not just physically. Teach her that it is ok to have fantasies and desires and if she needs to feel safe and protected first that she deserves to and should speak that, loudly. Ask your parents if they have suffered with their sexuality and why.
We could all be learning a little more from each other, and alleviating some pain and suffering along the way. We need to be speaking and passing more on to each other. We all have a lot to learn and none of us have it figured out. I promise you that.
Nicole Broadhurst is a Registered Acupuncturist and TCMD specializing in fertility and reproductive medicine. Nicole treats out of Park Integrative Health in Sherwood park, AB. For further questions or inquiries please contact Nicole at firstname.lastname@example.org