How often should couples fight? This seems like a weird question, it rings in the minds of a lot of people! Can you answer? How often should you and your partner have a lover’s spat? If you have ever been in an argument with your partner, you would agree that it is not a great situation to be in. A lot of times, such an argument is erupted by little things that, you wonder how something so tiny could have caused something so big. Can you tell if the fights with your partner are toxic or healthy? Read to find out! 

What are some signs that your fights with your partner are toxic? 

You need to be on the lookout for some signs that shows if you and your partner’s fight might be unhealthy. Toxicity in a relationship is the last thing you need to tamper with your peace of mind. Keep in mind that it does not mean the other person is a horrible human being.  

Sometimes, people just become intolerant of each other may be due to some recurring disliked habits. In cases like this, it might be best to seek help or keep a distance and move on. If you notice a reason for you and your partner having a fight always recurring, you and your partner might be having a toxic fight.  

Toxic fights are also usually sparked by absolutely nothing. Have you ever noticed that you and your partner argue heatedly over something you cannot seem to identify? Then, that might be another sign that your fights with your partner are toxic. Constant fighting in a relationship without any identifiable reason just shows that there are lots of pent up emotions and opinions about each other in the air. As long as they are not cleared, more arguments would happen, and the build-up of emotions would keep happening, with resentment the following suit.  

Finally, do you always feel compelled or pressured to bow to your partner’s wants even at the point of dating after 60? A normal, healthy debate should end with both parties willingly coming to a consensus. If this isn’t happening, the relationship should not happen. Nobody can hold a relationship together without help from their partner. If you are the only one putting all the effort to make your relationship sustained, then there might be a problem somewhere. You need to find out why and leave that place ASAP to save yourself from a toxic relationship. In person couples counseling, or even online therapy could be the best option. 

What are some signs that your fights with your partner are healthy? 

On the flip side, you should be worried that you and your partner are not having fights. Strange thing to say, right? Arguments help both you and your partner engage in debates which would lead to both of you finding ways to be heard and understood. You can also learn from and about each other from your disagreements. If your spats go in this direction, then, you both have healthy fighting experience. To this, Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples’ therapist in Los Angeles says that “we really need to understand that, even in the very best of relationships, there are going to be disagreements. Hopefully, they never rise above the level of an argument, as opposed to all-out fights that can become toxic. The difference between a disagreement and a fight, he says, has a lot to do with the end goal. “,” says Dr. Brown.  

A lot of times, arguments might involve things like name-calling, acknowledgment of “what people have said” about your partner, or comparisons. When these are absent in your relationship, and you both consciously avoid them, then your fights might be healthy. Both of you still have respect for each other, which is the backbone of a relationship.  

In addition, do you both apologize? Or has that been designated as a duty to only one person? Both you and your partner taking responsibility for your action and accepting that you are wrong is a sign that your spats are good for the development of your relationship. If you are sharing your life with someone, then you both need to put down some ego and simply say “sorry”. Apologies, heartfelt and sincere apologies, are signs of a healthy relationship with partners who are willing to grow together. 

It is best to voice out your discomfort or dislike about something immediately you notice it. This might lead to an argument, but it would also help to clear the air faster and dispel any possibility of explosive fights in the future. So, you don’t need a fight timetable, guys. Be as upfront and honest with your partner as much as you can in order not to have an emotionally drained relationship. You should also get the same level of honesty from your partner too. It is important to know that you and your partner can’t always see eye to eye on certain concerns. A little compromise from both parties would solve that problem real quick. 

Is it healthy, generally speaking, to fight with your partner? 

We’ve gotten past us telling you that you and your partner need to have fought to help you understand each other better. This fact means that it is healthy to fight with your partner. That agreed, do you acknowledge that these fights should have a limit in occurrence? Do you also agree that they should not last for so long? Do you ask, “How often do couples fight?” Then, you surely must agree that there should be a fight timetable too! Okay, maybe not. However, you need to pinpoint when a spat is going out of hand and then stop it. You also need to know that every disagreement does not have to lead to a fight.  


Some toxic relationship traits like hitting a partner cannot be undone in any way. If you experience such clear signs of a toxic relationship, it might be time to move on with the DoULike suggestions that help you to have a better relationship. Nevertheless, it still stands that fights can be healthy for the relationship. To have an even healthier relationship, having healthier arguments is a way to easily see that there there is a problem. After you have identified the problem(s), analyze how it can be resolved, and start taking the right steps to find better ways to deal with conflict, either as a team or with the help of an expert.